I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
