We need to rekindle our bromance
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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