suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
