yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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