His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
