nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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