Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
