2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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