I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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