I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize