I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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