You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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