So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
