My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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