I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
