i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
