what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
