my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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