ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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