Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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