Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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