it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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