My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
