Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
