i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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