Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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