it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
