Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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