We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
