her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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