no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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