The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
