so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
