I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
