SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
