when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
