Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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