So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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