I could make wine with my vomit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
