Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
