she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were trust falling into bushes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
