i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
