Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MIDGETS
????
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
