I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
