Don't you send me to vm
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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