I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
