It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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