I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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