you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
