you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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