Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
