cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you never un-have a 4some
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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