...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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