my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
