kristin has been a bad kristin
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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