Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
