You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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