i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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