Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
