Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
