Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
